Universalstudies

English 4 fun July 17, 2008

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
He hasn`t been feeling welland wants to find out if he`s ill.
After the checkup the doctor comes outwith the results of the examination.
“I`m afraid I have some bad news. You`re dying and you don`t have muchtime, ” the doctor says.
“Oh no, that`s terrible.
How long have I got? ” The man asks.”
10. . . ” Says the doctor.”10?
10 What? Months? Weeks? What?! “He asks desperately.”
10. . . 9. . . 8. . . 7. . . “

Marriage

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son–
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.–
Son : “I will choose my own bride”.–
Jack: “But the girl is Bill Gates`s daughter. “–
Son : “Well, in that case. . . “Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.–
Jack: “I have a husband for your daughter. “–
Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry. “–
Jack: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank. “–
Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case. . . “Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.–
Jack: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. “–
President: “But I already have more vice-presidents than I need. “–
Jack: “But this young man is Bill Gates`s son-in-law. “–
President: “Ah, in that case. . . . . “This is how business is done!

At The Hospital–

Doctor, what have I got?–
I don`t know yet, but we will find out in the autopsy.

The Accident

The woman arrives at the hospital and asks:–
I am John`s wife, he suffered an accident. How is he?–
Well, from the waist down he didn`t suffer a scratch.–
What a relief. And from the waist up?–
I can`t say. They haven`t brought that part in yet.

The Sex of Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around witha fly swatter.
“What are you doing? “
She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.
“Oh. Killing any? ” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females, ” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell? “
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone! “