Universalstudies

ENGLISH 4 FUN March 9, 2009

(by Zeek)

I was really surprised when I walked into a Walmart near my house on a February morning and there they were: thousands of Easter Eggs on the shelves. Therefore, Happy Easter to all of you.

Q. What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?

A. A funny bunny

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?

A. Just look for the gray hares.

Q. How are rabbits like calculators?

A. They both multiply really fast.

Q. How many hairs in a rabbit’s tail?

A. None, they’re all on the outside.

Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?

A. Two points just like everybody!

Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

A. Bugs Bunny

ENGLISH 4 FUN July 31, 2008

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn’t.
Officer: Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn’t speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can’t give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you’re a jerk! 

Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had.

She then asked for two weeks leave in which to get married.

“But you just had two weeks off,” said the boss.

“Why didn’t you get married then?”

“What? And ruin my vacation?” she whined. 

Marriage

A: Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman. 

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?

B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!